Confessions of a Middle-Aged Drama Queen

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I think writing is sometimes as therapeutic for me as a good cry or a hearty laugh with an old friend. If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you’ll know that I tend to confess things to y’all. I don’t mean to, it just happens. My purpose is to be honest and real in the hopes that there are other women like me in the world. I think I’m pretty normal…?

Today, I have yet another confession.

Hi, my name is Jessie and I am a Drama Queen.

There. I said it.

I tend to “idle high”, as Jen Hatmaker once put it, and for no apparent reason. Sometimes I just find myself in a tizzy over, well, nothing. I think being the mom of little ones has a lot to do with it these days, but if I’m honest, I’ve been this way my entire life.

Here’s a bit of proof…

• When I was in junior high, I coined the phrase, “I have tender bones!” after finding myself at the bottom of the pile while bouncing on a trampoline with friends.

• The Hubs says I turn into Judge Judy when I’m tired…or hungry.

• I once sent an e-card to The Hubs and Momma that read, “I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.” (See previous bullet point.)

• I’m usually in a bad mood every Monday morning.

• I make myself a pretty cup of coffee when I feel down.

• The blinds and curtains MUST stay open during daylight hours.

• My house usually seems clean, but like Monica Gellar, there’s a mystery closet somewhere that you DO NOT want to open.

• When I was a kid, I would never let anyone listen to me practice my vocals for fear of messing up in front of them. (Duh? Isn’t that why it’s called “practice”?!)

• I subconsciously lean heavily toward pessimism and perfectionism, although I consciously refuse to be either.

Anyone else out there, or is it just me?

I’ve recently written a lot about contentment and joy, because I find myself desperately wanting both. You probably think I already possess those qualities… Think again. I’m a great cheerleader and encourager for you, but for myself, not so much. I’m not always this happy, perky, “sparkly” person everyone sees. I wear my Cranky Pants way too often and my Drama Crown stays on standby. Today, I feel I need to confess that. I’m a grouch. I complain. I cry. I expect too much of myself and others and it leaves me (and those around me) feeling discouraged.

I so want the Lord to remove the layers of my heart where impatience and discontent and frustration lie. I don’t have time for those things, not if I want Him to use me to share His love and hope with others. I don’t want to be the thorny soil spoken of in Luke 8.

“Other seed landed in the thistle patches and the young grain stalks were soon choked out…The seed among the thorns represents those who listen and believe God’s words, but whose faith afterwards is choked out by worry and riches and the responsibilities and pleasures of life. And so they are never able to help anyone else to believe the Good News.” ~ Luke 8: 7,14 (Living)

I want to be the good soil…

“Still, the other fell on fertile soil; this seed grew and produced a crop one hundred times as large as he had planted…But the good soil represents honest, goodhearted people. They listen to God’s words and cling to them and steadily spread them to others who also soon believe.” ~Luke 8:8,15 (Living)

I’ve seen God do some truly AWE-inspiring things over the past couple of weeks. He’s proven His love and provided in ways beyond my imagination. I’m humbled to say He’s even used me in the process. Yet, even in the midst of such goodness, I find myself frazzled. All the little things and small stuff of life tend to choke out The Seed and keep me from rejoicing in the harvest He’s given.

So, I’ve been racking my brain. How do I beat this? How do I get this thing back on the rails?

Rejoice in the Lord always; I will say it again, rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

~ Philippians 4:4-6 (NIV)

Rejoice. Be gentle. Pray. Give thanks.

God promises, “If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 4:7 (Living)

So today, I’m going to rejoice, be gentle, pray and give thanks. For everything, in every situation. Even though it’s Monday. Even though it’s December 2nd AND Cyber Monday, and I’ve not purchased the first Christmas gift or hung the first decoration. Even though I’m sleep deprived, as my toddler-son hasn’t slept through the night in almost three weeks. Even though I can find multiple things to be in a tizzy about, I’m going to choose differently today. Stop the madness. Dial it down a few.  Ease up, Turbo! (Shelbea, that was for you.) Trust in The Truth and expect “His peace” to keep my heart “quiet and at rest.”

I’m going to take my tiara off today. Won’t you join me? Maybe I’m the only Queen on her throne today, but seeing as there are only 24 more shopping days until Christmas, I’m willing to bet I’m not alone. We Drama Queens tend to keep our tiaras pretty handy this time of year. So, whaddya say we give our crowns a rest and have us a cup of pretty coffee?

Cheers.

Jessie

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One response »

  1. Pingback: You Might Be A Martha… | notmyownblog

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